I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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