this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
