I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
