Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Randomize
