If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
