Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
She needs sedatives and a leash
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
