How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
