He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Randomize
