i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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