He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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