Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
