I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
