Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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