are you still at the devil's house?
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
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