It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
oh god the rape fog is back!
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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