i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize