I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
