go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Randomize
