atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
