cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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