i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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