Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
