return my video game
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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