Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
