I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
