Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
i now understand why vodka
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
