The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
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