There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
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