pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
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