the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
