I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
