So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
