You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
