i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
