I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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