Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize