I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
pray to the hookup gods
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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