He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Randomize
