I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
