I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
