your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
