Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
