That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Randomize
