Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
