Acid is not a monday night drug
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
