if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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