Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I just pynch a tree in the face
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
