I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
