I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
