thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
