im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
