I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Randomize
