Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
