never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
