Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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