I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
