I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
