How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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