At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Panties = found
Randomize
