do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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