Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
