Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
