Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
