when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Randomize
