Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I have tasted many bathrooms
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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