everyone is single if you try hard enough
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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