He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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