we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
