You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
